Chrisley shared that she takes "full responsibility" for her role in how her relationship with Kerdiles played out
Savannah Chrisley admits that she has some regrets about her relationship with her late ex-fiancé Nic Kerdiles.
On the latest episode of her Unlocked podcast, the Chrisley Knows Best star, 27, recalled having feelings of remorse after Kerdiles died from blunt traumatic injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident in September 2023.
"I looked like a freaking hot mess. And I told [my] dad [Todd Chrisley], and he originally thought it was something like [brother] Chase [Chrisley] or someone and I still did not want to believe it, like I looked the other day at my messages with...when that whole thing happened, and two, because I had a lot of regret in my relationship with Nic," she shared.
Related: Savannah Chrisley Recalls Being 'a Hot Mess' Telling Dad Todd About Nic Kerdiles' Death: They 'Were Best Friends'
Savannah noted that she takes "full responsibility" for her role in how the relationship played out but admits online comments blaming her for Kerdiles' death are difficult to handle, explaining, "Someone the other day commented, and I've seen a few comments like this, and it really, like, has been a tough thing for me to work through of people saying that, like, if it wasn't for me, Nic wouldn't be dead."
The former Masked Singer contestant went on to share her "last messages' with Kerdiles.
"Right before I had said and we were talking about real estate, and then I had sent him a song that was like, 'Maybe we said goodbye too soon.' Was the lyrics to the song...This was September 23 at 9:40 and I literally just said, 'Please don't tell me you're gone. Please, I love you. Don't be gone. I don't believe it.' And then, like, no response. And then at eight o'clock that night, I said, I love you. And like, the messages were still going through."
She admitted to being "in denial" over her ex's death and thought that he was "fine."
Related: Savannah Chrisley Clings to 'Signs' from Nic Kerdiles as She Comes to Terms with His Death: 'This Isn't Fair'
"Like that night, I'm still texting him just waiting, wanting a response," she added later in the podcast. "And I literally said, 'I'll forever be loving you. I'm sorry we never made our way back to each other but we will one day. I miss you so bad it hurts. I missed you before you ever left. I'm so blessed and honored to have known you. I've heard constant stories of the lives you've touched. If I could see that grin right now when I would start ragging on you. Gosh, this isn't fair. I just wish you would respond."
Kerdiles died on Sept. 23, 2023, at age 29 from injuries related to a motorcycle accident. According to WRKN News 2, the former professional hockey player hit the driver's side of a BMW. He was taken to a nearby hospital where he later died.
Kerdiles and Savannah began dating in November 2017 and later got engaged. However, in July 2020, Savannah shared with PEOPLE that the engagement and wedding was off, explaining the two were "just trying to find our place in this world."
In September of that same year, Savannah shared on Instagram that the couple had "decided to call it quits." She added at the time, "There's no hatred between the two of us... and in all honesty... that makes saying goodbye even harder. We have nothing but love, respect, and admiration for one another but it's time for us to move forward individually."
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Since Kerdiles' death, Savannah has paid tribute to him several times on Instagram, including a touching post in September 2023 expressing disbelief over his loss and gratitude for the time they shared.
"Just because some things don't work out, or don't last forever, doesn't make them less special or less meaningful," she wrote in the caption. "We learned how to love together. We learned how to be adults and entrepreneurs and professionals. We tried new foods, explored new cities, and created so many memories along the way. Our time in San Diego will always be unforgettable to me. It's where we began... And I so badly wish I could hop on a flight and you be there waiting on me."