In addition to protecting children from harm, worrying about finances and guiding them through their teens, parents face unrealistic expectations about celebrating milestone events, and meeting expectations for achievements and status symbols.

This is way beyond keeping up with the Joneses.

A new report called "Parents Under Pressure" by Murthy, the U.S. Surgeon General, reports 41% of parents and caregivers said they are "so stressed they cannot function" most days, and nearly 50% said their stress completely overwhelms them.

Parents are working longer hours, child care costs have soared beyond even some college tuition, and saving for that tuition sometimes feels hopeless given rising college costs, the report confirmed. They're also responding to the surging youth mental health crisis, contending with threats outside of their control like school shootings, and grappling with the harms and risks of social media and technology.

All of this goes through the filter of perceived parenting standards -- pressures fueled by social media influencers.

Such pressures are having a siloing effect on parents, leaving them lonelier, more excluded and more stressed than non-parents, the report said.

"Given all these factors, it's no wonder that so many parents are struggling," Murthy, a father of two, wrote in an introduction to the report. "In my conversations with parents and caregivers across America, I have found guilt and shame have become pervasive, often leading them to hide their struggles, which perpetuates a vicious cycle where stress leads to guilt which leads to more stress."

If we continue to undervalue the work of parenting, Murthy warned, a harmful loop will persist, one that feeds from exhausted, lonely parent to stressed, isolated child and back again.

Here's what to know.

Work, child care, parenting roles all combine to add stress

In the last decade, child care costs have increased by about 26% across the United States. At the same time, one in four parents struggle to meet basic needs like affording groceries and paying their rent or mortgage.

In Wisconsin, the average cost of center-based infant and toddler care exceeded in-state tuition at the University of Wisconsin-Madison for the 2023-24 academic year. And wages aren't keeping pace, especially historically marginalized parents and caregivers who live "on the edge" of making ends meet, said Linda Hall, executive director of the Wisconsin Office of Children's Mental Health.

"Things like health care and access to mental health that don't work well in our system really bear down hard on the families that are on the edge," Hall said.

Mothers dedicated 28% more time to employed work or work-related activities than they did in 1985, according to the report. Men worked 4% more. Despite working longer hours and sometimes taking on multiple jobs, parents with children are fretting about finances at nearly twice the rate of other adults.

Parents also are devoting more time engaging in primary child care than they did in 1985, including physical care, educational activities, reading to and with children, and playing with or engaging in hobbies with children. For mothers, the jump has been 40%; for fathers, 154%.

There's also a broader disconnect in parenting. Fathers are working nearly twice the hours of mothers, and moms spend twice the amount of time engaging in primary child care than dads.

"Parenting has to be a team sport," Hall said. "Parents are experiencing some of the same things kids are experiencing, on top of increased financial costs. They're overwhelmed, incapacitated. Success feels out of reach."

Gun deaths heighten parental concerns

Firearm-related injury is now the leading cause of death among U.S. children and adolescents between ages 1 and 19. Nearly three-quarters of parents said they fear their child will be the victim or witness of a school shooting, according to the report.

In 2024 alone, Wisconsin recorded seven mass shooting events, according to Gun Violence Archive, which led to two deaths and 41 injuries.

Meanwhile, one in five children has a special health care need, including those who are or at an increased risk of a chronic physical, developmental, behavioral or emotional condition that requires more health services than the average child.

Parents of these children, when surveyed, were more than twice as likely to report "fair or poor mental health" compared to parents and caregivers of children without special health care needs.

Technology and social media pressures pervade everyday life

The U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory last year on a phenomenon known as the "loneliness epidemic," which goes far beyond feeling left out. According to Murthy, that sense of isolation has extraordinary health impacts, a mortality impact akin to smoking 15 cigarettes per day. Loneliness literally hurts our hearts, increasing the odds of cardiovascular disease as well as dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety and premature death.

According to this new advisory from Murthy, about 65% of parents and caregivers surveyed reported social isolation and a lack of social supports, compared to 55% of non-parents. For single parents, 77% reported that sense of alienation.

Parents also reported technology and social media made their jobs harder. Parents of teenagers, especially, expressed concern social media is leading to increased mental health issues, bullying and exposure to explicit content.

Parents aren't immune to such pressures either. Parents report they are in a constant sprint to help their child reach childhood achievements earlier and faster, which only adds stress.

Mental illness and mental health conditions impact millions of parents

Nearly one of every four parents has some reportable mental illness, the advisory said, with nearly 6% reporting a serious mental illness. These mental health conditions are exacerbated by environmental factors such as family or community violence, poverty, racism and discrimination.

Too often, parents and caregivers aren't willing or able to prioritize their mental health.

Related:Baldwin, Moore introduce bill to make mental health services more affordable for new moms

What can be done to ease parental pressures?

Murthy's advisory emphasizes the need to value and respect time spent parenting the same as we value and respect the time spent at a paying job. But what might that look like in Wisconsin?

Hall recommends parents looking for resources find their local Family Resource Center, which is part of the Wisconsin Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention Board. Hall described these as "drop-in places" for parents. Parents can meet other parents, find afterschool programs and create opportunities for parents to get together.

Child and Dependent Care Expenses Tax Credits helped pull 50% of children out of poverty during the pandemic, Hall said, by helping support parents afford things like child care and expenses associated with caring for eligible dependents inside the home such as a babysitter, cook or housekeeper. Since Gov. Tony Evers signed a bipartisan bill expanding tax credits for Wisconsin families last year, Hall sees that as a potential boost for struggling parents.

Hall also emphasized that home visiting, which in Wisconsin is part of a program called Wisconsin Family Foundations Home Visiting Program, offers free check-ins from nurses, social workers, or other professionals during pregnancy and when caring for children up to age 5.

Historically, home visiting programs in Wisconsin don't receive much funding, so although it is a free and private service, it's only available in 40 out of 72 counties. That said, Family Services of Northeast Wisconsin also offers home-visiting services through its program Healthy Families in Brown and Door counties.

Natalie Eilbert covers mental health issues for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. She welcomes story tips and feedback. You can reach her at [email protected] or view her Twitter profile at @natalie_eilbert.